


The Theory

by theianitor



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 15:47:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5933902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theianitor/pseuds/theianitor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daniel decides to run a theory he's been mulling over past Sebastian.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Theory

**Author's Note:**

> I know this screws with the real-life timeline, Seb and Daniel drove together in 2014 but Daniel and Nico H weren't at ROC together until 2015... then again, this is fiction, I made it up, and I'm quite sure it's never happened nor ever will.  
> Also, yay, first post!

"I have a theory."

It was a nice sunny day and both Sebastian and Daniel had decided to take their lunch break outside the Milton Keynes facility. While it wasn't exactly a lush, picnic-type area, it was a welcome change to sit on the lawn underneath the trees. The cars in the parking lot were hardly visible over a nearby hedge, so it was almost as if they were actually out in nature somewhere. They had both finished their little boxed meals and were lying on the lawn. Sebastian was in the shade of a tree, with his cap pulled down low over his eyes, resting his head on his hands. Daniel was lying on his side, propped up on his elbow and absentmindedly picking up blades of grass and pulling them into smaller pieces. A comfortable silence had fallen, which was broken only when Daniel decided to voice his "theory".

"Mhm?" Sebastian said, his eyes still closed, not really listening.

"Yeah. Um... you know that... like people from different cultures are different, yeah?" Sebastian opened one eye and glanced over at Daniel. The Aussie wasn't looking back at him, but determinedly shredding another blade of grass.

"O... kay?"

"Yeah like... you're a weird German because you're funny and stuff, but you're still super committed and efficient and stuff, right?" Daniel still wasn't looking at him.

"And you mean you are a grinning and silly surfer type guy because you are Australian?" Sebastian laughed. Daniel threw some of his shredded grass at him.

"No! Well yeah. Kinda. I mean... you know some of these stereotypes. And I've been thinking..." Sebastian waited, but Daniel had stopped talking.

"To be honest I'm not sure you have been thinking at all."

"I have, it's just a bit weird."

"So there are weird stereotypes based on culture." Sebastian scoffed.

"Yeah. And dicks."

 

Sebastian started laughing so abruptly he surprised himself. Daniel was grinning, looking kind of embarrassed and waited for him to calm down.

"Okay, I have to hear this. What do..." Sebastian sat up and lowered his voice. There was nobody around, but just in case, he wasn't going to be overheard outside the office talking with Daniel about penises. "... dicks... have to do with cultural stereotypes?"

"Well... people from like the Mediterranean, and latin people, they're supposed to be all passionate and fiery, right?"

"I guess."

"And it's all big gestures and loud, like whether they're happy or angry they're really... expressive."

"That is the stereotype, yes." Sebastian agreed.

"Well... guys with smaller dicks..." Daniel started, but soon got quiet again.

"Yes, what are they?" Sebastian prompted.

"Guys with smaller equipment are supposed to be like tiny dogs, you know? Always yipping and acting cocky, making themselves out to be bigger than they really are."

 

Sebastian thought about it for a moment. He could sort of see where Daniel was going with this now.

"So what you are saying is that a latin person with a... with smaller equipment... would be more likely to act like a small dog?"

"Yeah kind of." There was a hint of enthusiasm in Daniel's voice. He had sat up and stopped shredding things, but was instead running his hand back and forth across the grass, still not looking at Sebastian.

"I mean... my theory is that latin people are fiery and passionate and stuff, but that a guy with bigger... equipment... wouldn't feel the need to be so much of that and just be more... chilled out."

"I can see what you mean. Kind of. But what does this have to do with..?"

"I mean look at Fernando for instance."

"What?!" Sebastian spluttered. "We are NOT discussing Fernando's... equipment!"

"No no!" Daniel said quickly. His cheeks were very red, and he still couldn't quite meet Sebastian's eyes.

 

"What I mean is, he's usually pretty cool. Like he has some of that latin fire-thing, he's really passionate, but he's kind of... easy going. Then look at Maldonado."

"I am REALLY not discussing his... thing!"

"But look at how he drives then! He's quick-tempered, he gets angry and stuff, but when he's happy he's like really happy... and he's the kind of guy who like... puffs his chest out, you know?"

"So you mean that he's a stereotypical latin guy?"

"Yeah. With a small dick."

Sebastian tried to stop himself from snorting with laughter, but couldn't. Soon enough, he was laughing his head off. Daniel was chuckling.

"Yeah I guess it is a little weird."

"A little weird?! You've been thinking about Maldonado's... equipment! That's more than just a little weird, that's terrible!" Sebastian laughed.

 

When he had managed to calm himself a little, he looked at Daniel who still wasn't looking at him. He had gone back to picking up pieces of grass and turning them into smaller pieces of grass.

"So your theory is that people from stereotypically fiery cultures but that have bigger equipment are calmer and more down to earth?"

"There you go being German. You summarized my theory and it sounds like a book report." Sebastian shrugged.

"I can't help it, it's in my nature you know, very efficient." Daniel laughed.

"Well look at the theory in practice. Fernando, Felipe, Sainz and Gutierrez, right? All latin guys, all pretty easy going and like... calm guys."

"I don't know about that, Fernando can sometimes get pretty fired up."

"Yeah but so can everyone, anything else isn't normal." Daniel dismissed and plowed on.

"Then look at guys like Maldonado and Perez. Quick-tempered, risktakers... like they have to assert themselves. Small-dog symptoms."

"You mean small dick symptoms." Sebastian grinned.

"Well... yeah. Smaller equipment, so they have to like over-prove themselves in other ways."

 

Daniel seemed quite pleased with himself when his theory was all laid out. Sebastian was reluctantly thinking about the implications this "theory" held for his colleagues and rivals.

"Does it apply to guys who are not latin too?" he finally asked. Daniel grinned like he had won the lottery.

"You are SO thinking about it!"

"You started this!"

Daniel thought for a second.

"I think it does apply, sort of, but it's more evident in people who are feisty to begin with. Like culture plays a part, and so does equipment. They go together." He held up both hands and then interlocked his fingers to illustrate.

"Do you have any proof of this 'theory' of yours then, that big... equipment... means a calmer person?"

"Well..." Daniel hesitated.

"You do! Let's hear it!"

"Hulk." Daniel said shortly.

"Nico?"

"Yeah. He's always really chill, calm and like collected..."

"But he is German. We are calm and collected." Sebastian smirked.

"Not like Hulk you're not." Daniel shot back. "Hulk never loses it, he's just always chilled out. And he's not shy, because he doesn't have to be."

"How would you know that?"

"We used the same changing rooms at Race of Champions."

"So you look at other guys'... stuff... when you change? Should I be getting worried here?"

"No, I didn't LOOK, I just SAW. And you would have seen it too."

 

It was quiet for another little bit before Sebastian spoke up.

"Right. So where does the theory go? Does it help us in any way?"

"Nah, it's just observational. It explains things, it doesn't change them."

"Right." Sebastian repeated. "So it's just a thought experiment?"

"Kind of. But, like imagine the implications."

Daniel waited, but Sebastian didn't say anything.

"Implications?" he finally asked.

"Yeah, I mean, if guys with bigger... equipment... are generally calmer, cooler, you know, chilled out..."

"Yeah?" Sebastian encouraged.

"... then it stands to reason that the bigger it is, the more chill the guy is, right?"

"I suppose..."

"So what does that tell us about someone like Kimi?"

 

Sebastian blushed so hot Daniel was sure the people inside could feel the change in temperature. He grinned as Sebastian stumbled to his feet.

"Yeah. Haha." His laughter was very forced. "We really should be getting back, break is over soon and they'd be pissed off if we were late..."

"I'll get this, yeah?" Daniel indicated their lunch boxes. Sebastian mumbled something in thanks and walked quickly towards the building, casting his eyes back at Daniel once, nervously, before disappearing through the doors.

"Gotcha." Daniel said to himself and cleared up the trash, humming happily all the while.


End file.
